Tough Stand - Dealing with Past Issues

Would you ever reveal a family secret that you know would cause a deep and most probably irreconcilable break in relationships? Making the secret known would most definitely bring immediate hardship to you. You may be accused of lying, of being a provocateur, or misinterpreting events and not understanding the intent of the one or ones you attempt to hold accountable. They may deny your words causing the rest to turn against you. Rather than confront the issue as a family, you may be the one they oust.

Could you tell the truth, if this was an expected outcome – for you?

Or, over time, once the shock of revelation has worn off – they may believe you, but still the exposition will leave damaged relationships. Could you do it, reveal the secret? Would you do it?

How would you do it?

I don’t think you should do it alone, particularly if the secret is a devastating one. Find a counselor to walk through the past with you. Allow them to help you understand what occurred, the parts each person played. Including you, whether you were and are a victim or not.

What were and are your responsibilities? What are they to be now, and in the future? What do you want to achieve through making the issue known? Who should be present during the discussion? Who should lead the discussion? If the law was broken, what legal procedures need to be followed? Should this step be taken, why or why not?

The above challenging questions arose during a visit to a pediatric ward. An abandoned baby was the result of family sin. The mom abandoned the baby claiming rape – her half-brother was said to be the rapist. As a counselor you must validate all aspects of the claim before you pursue any action, and particularly before you make statements to inflame the situation. Is the young man in question a brother, half-brother, or step-brother? What are the facts? What are the realities?

And what about the baby? Establishing the facts will affect the baby’s future. Make sure you piece together the situation, and then, and only then, offer counsel which will honor the Lord – in each person’s life.

• The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out (Proverbs 20:5).

• If you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do (Galatians 5:15-17).

• By wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory. Wisdom is too high for a fool; in the gate he does not open his mouth (Proverbs 24:6-7).

#family #conflict #past