What kind of a friend do you want to be?

Anita Delene Manthe
Oct 21, 2017
4 min read

In considering the different types of friends we have, and the kind of friend we are to others we need to exercise wisdom. How do we listen to what our friends say to us, and how they speak to others? How they speak to others says a whole lot about who they are! Can you discern their true heart intent in the words they use? Are their words kind, and caring, or are they overbearing and controlling? Is there ambiguity – double intent in the words they use – and they are deliberate in doing so? Not everyone who professes to be a friend, or to speak as a friend is our friend? If not, what, and who are they? How are we to evaluate them?

And what about us? When should we speak and when should we remain quiet? And how are we to listen to the counsel of others, and should we? Where do we draw the lines in relationships, particularly what others believe is their right to discuss with us? They insist it is!

I will use a part of my life as an example to keep from what I write be seen as revealing confidences. My family relationships are in different stages of awkwardness and difficulty. Having lived away from them for very many years I was shielded from how others viewed this. After I returned and found myself living in and around their lives, I received a whole lot of criticism – I still do. Much of what was said, and is said, about this comes from their close friends and lifelong associates. And, some believed it was their Biblical right to hold me accountable for what they saw as my fault, my sin, and lack of Biblical caring and love. Initially, I tried to explain my position. Soon, I realized I was wasting my time in trying to explain. They could not listen, they could not understand. Their cultural mindset remains a strong foundation in evaluating the situation. My mindset was based and remains set on how I learned to live differently and Biblically.

Knowing this does not excuse me from examination of what they have said. For my own emotional and spiritual wellbeing it necessitates it! And the same is true for you in your circumstances. When someone believes it is their right (and we know it is not) to express anything and everything about you, listen and evaluate – Biblically – accuse or excuse yourself based on Biblical principles – and nothing else. If what they have said is true – repent. Plan and implement change. If not, excuse the words of your accuser. Don’t allow their words to attack your life. See their words for what they are – an attack. An endeavor to break you down, and reduce you to live as they do.

Accept that Biblical living will bring divisions in your church and in your community. It will separate friends, it will separate family. It must!

In the situations where others accuse me, they speak of which they do not know. No one asked me, they accused me, yet they believe they are right. They are not. Had they considered the circumstances from a Biblical perspective they would act and react differently.

What are we to learn from this?

We don’t need to listen, believe, and change according to how others see us.
We need to listen, evaluate, and respond accordingly. Not every word spoken to us is for our correction, it may reveal more about our accuser than they realize.
Be truthful, Biblically truthful in evaluation – be Biblical!!
Consider your response to your accuser – be gracious, be guarded – plan what you will say. Plan!
Not everyone in your community – church or social – was given to be your friend and agree with you.
What is their God-given purpose in your life? Consider your need to grow in: discernment, acceptance, forgiveness, sensitivity to walk wisely?
Be gracious.
Be guarded.
Be godly.
Be guided. Read and study Psalm 1, and apply it to how you interact with others.

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy (Proverbs 27:5-6).
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it. Yet my prayer is continually against their evil deeds (Psalm 141:5).
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust (Matthew 5:44-45).
When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat. We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things (1 Corinthians 4:12-13).
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth (1 Corinthians 13:4-6).