Learning to Say No!

Learning to say no to others was most probably the hardest thing I had to learn to do as a Christian. Often I joke that the word ‘no’ was not in my vocabulary before I was saved. I knew I was overextended in commitments. I knew I should say no. But, I could not say the word with ease. My emotions prevented me from saying it. Is this true for you? Your emotions control you, and hold you hostage – you say yes when it should be no.

I was not given an option in the learning curve to say no, the Lord caused my health to deteriorate, and the need for recovery and physical strength necessitated many no’s.

So, why did I need to say yes to anything and everything asked of me? Why do you need to say yes to everyone too? Looking back I know it was a need to be liked, approved and accepted. So many yes’ when I should have said no caused me to burn out. Where are you? Are you close to burning out too? It’s not a good place to be!

When we are controlled by our emotions we say yes, and then regret it. The regret we know then wars in our soul – it becomes begrudging of others, of those we said yes to. It betrays the niceness, kindness, and sweet person we want others to consider us to be. There is no kindness in saying yes, when we know it should be no. When you say yes, and it should be no – you are lying!

I thought of all this a while ago when I was asked to contribute to the writing of an academic paper. They were to email me the same day with all necessary information. They didn’t. I did receive an email two days prior to the due date for the paper. My response was gracious – thank you for inviting me to participate, however, as the due date is so close I will not be able to give it the attention needed to honor the requirements.

I received a reply – they will extend the due date by a week, so that I can participate. What did they mean? The paper was an assignment given to them months ago. They were tardy in the writing of it. For their continued involvement in a program the paper was necessary – and so I was asked to do the work they had not done.

Saying no to this person will bring with it consequences. I can only imagine how this will re discussed in her peer group. Yet no was and is still the right decision. It will teach them to be more responsible with what is expected of them, and to comply with academic requirements given them.

Would and could you say no in a similar situation?

Does what others think of you keep you in emotional bondage to their approval and acceptance of you?

• Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator (Colossians 3:9-10).

• Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance, to understand a proverb and a saying, the words of the wise and their riddles. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction (Proverbs 1:5-7).

• Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

• Though a sinner does evil a hundred times and prolongs his life, yet I know that it will be well with those who fear God, because they fear before him (Ecclesiastes 8:12).

#no #wisdom