Face to Face

Anita Delene Manthe
Jun 25, 2017
2 min read

Relationships are hard and difficult. I’m sure you have a few, or you’ve had some that you wish were not part of your life. I will admit to my fair share of those. Can you?

I’m sure if we shared our stories we would find many similarities. Maybe the circumstances would be different, but the attitudes of those involved would be the same. The reasons for their actions, behaviors and words would be identical.

This past week I came face to face with two people who caused much damage through gossip and slander to my life. They were good at what they did – ever so good! They’d take events – real ones – and spin them to make me look bad. There was nothing bad or nasty in the events, but somehow they’d find a way to make me look bad. One of them was simply deceptive – discussions with me when recounted to others were so distorted there was no longer any truth to them. What they said and did worked. Now, I know your situation may be different to this, but I am sure if we thought of the reasons they chose to behave in the ways they did – your story would be the same as mine. The heart reasons make it the same.

Looking back I accept responsibility for what occurred. I should not have rushed to befriend them so quickly. Both these people I did not know, yet I chose to trust them! I chose to trust strangers, why? What was I trying to prove through association with them? Acceptance? Acknowledgement? What was my heart attitude when I spoke freely with them? The answers to this provided for my involvement with them. I own the error of association with them. And so, I own the outcome. I am responsible for it! These are harsh realities, but we must face them, accepts and acknowledge them.

In your story, why were you involved with the people who eventually proved deceptive, what were your thoughts and reasons to be part of the situation? Can you own them?

Accepting responsibility for our shortcomings does not excuse the deceit of others, nor does it make their gossip and slander true. Accepting responsibility for our shortcomings prospers forgiveness. This does not mean restoration to a relationship with them. It does mean we do not hold their deception – their lies – gossip and slander against them.

Forgiveness and restoration are two very different things. For our own good we need to make sure we know the difference. We are not called to be restored to those who have not repented – who remain deceptive and continue the lies they started. We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it (Jeremiah 17:9).
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander (Matthew 15:19).
The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him (Proverbs 18:17).
The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool (Proverbs 10:18).
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame (Proverbs 18:13).