Shy and Quiet

A recent discussion centered on patterns of behavior and whether they were sin or not. We were not speaking about issues that we all call sin: slander, gluttony, greed, envy or idolatry – the list is long! We were speaking of behaviors: shyness and quietness.

To best counsel someone raising the question we would need to ask what they understand shyness to mean. Some use the word shy when they mean a propensity to be quiet. Others understand shy to be the uncomfortable feelings they know when in an unfamiliar setting, with unfamiliar people. Shyness then is the awkwardness they know in social environments. They shun others and distance themselves in a cautionary move. It really is a protective response – protection of self. They do not like their awkwardness and so they behave in protective ways to guard themselves – they then call it shy. Shyness cultivated creates protective strategies – they shun others.

The shy and awkward person’s essential need is self – how they are perceived and what others think of them. In these moments the way they think and feel about where they are, who they are with, how they are being perceived is more important than anything else. They are the center of all and everything at that moment revealing a need that only they within themselves can meet. They are not concerned about the needs and wellbeing of those around them, they are not others focused – they are self-focused. It is all about them and how they feel in that moment. These repeated feelings allowed to thrive then become the character of the person. Their learned shyness becomes their identity. Shyness isolates!

Quietness is different. For a quiet disposition to be godly it must be rested and equated with gentleness. It is kind and gracious. Caring and compassionate. Always ready and willing to respond to others – to welcome them, to extend hospitality to them. There is no shyness in quietness when quietness is the fruit of the Spirit. Godly quietness observes, evaluates and serves.

However, being quiet should never be an excuse to not speak up and be involved in activities, it should not stifle availability to communicate and interact with others. If this is true of your quietness you have cultivated a boundary, a wall of quietness behind which to hide. It is not godly! We need to carefully examine our quiet behaviors to ensure they are honoring of the Lord and not self-serving.

• Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience (Colossians 3:12).

• Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:4).

• You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance (Psalm 32:7)

• Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4).

• Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:29).

#shy #quiet