Discontent Grows

Last week we shared an interaction with a contentious woman. We’d been warned her husband was a grumbler, but in reality she appeared to be the dissatisfied and contentious one. Her overwhelming discontent and inability to reason did not end that day, it only grew. Irrespective of our attempts to meet their ongoing need she would not be placated. She challenged every circumstance – pushed our patience to the limit and would not accept reasonable explanations pertinent to her and to her husband.

Our involvement with them necessitated the inclusion of others for the work that needed doing. Specialists in the field – the very best for the task – were out of town. To get the right team together required tweaking of dates and times for everyone. We worked hard to orchestrate everything – yet she was not satisfied. Her dissatisfaction was based on petty wants – really ridiculous issues that were no big deal. There importance to her defied logic.

Why did she behave this way? What were the reasons for her demanding nature? What caused her to place such value on specifics to an agenda that lay beyond not only her control, but our control too? Why was control of all the details so necessary to her, necessary to her functioning and peace?

In thinking through the above, I knew that what I considered inconsequential even trivial and petty was not so for others. To her, it was huge – it was a dilemma. It was something to be concerned about. Why did she need to be in control? What did she fear if a tight schedule was not maintained, and the details of it were not precise from her perspective? Why was she so concerned if the plan was changed at the last moment for reasons no-one anticipated?

All these questions must be real to her, but why? Again, the question must be asked, is she the contentious one, or is it her husband? Does she demand specifics and details because she fears a reprisal from her spouse should she not have everything orchestrated to meet his demand – does she fear him? Or, does she fear what will occur if the events do not take place according to agreed upon arrangements – and she is left to deal with the consequences alone? Which is it?

To minister to her we need to be sensitive to what we perceive to be true about her. What are her real needs? Does she know them? Is she brave enough to face them, and overcome them? Is this a possibility for her? What drives her fear, and her dissatisfaction?

• I see another law in my members having warred against the law of my mind, and taking me captive by the law of sin being in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death (Romans 7:23-24)?

• From where do wars and fightings among you come? Is it not from this, from your lusts warring in your members? You desire and do not have. You murder, and are jealous, and are not able to obtain. You fight and you war, and you do not have, because you do not ask (James 4:1-2).

• A slave of the Lord ought not to quarrel, but to be gentle towards all, apt to teach, forbearing, in meekness teaching those who have opposed, if perhaps God may give them repentance for a full knowledge of the truth, and they having regained senses out of the snare of the devil, being captured by him to do the will of that One (2 Timothy 2:24-26).

#discontent